During my senior year of high school my AP Literature teacher forced all of us to keep a journal in the spring semester. I found it to be an annoying extra assignment at the time, but now it’s awesome because I have a record of my final high school days. Since I am home for the holidays, I have been cleaning out stuff from my room and getting rid of things I no longer want. I came across my journal from senior year and had a truly entertaining experience reading it over.
I was so funny about life back then. Everything was a big deal! Also, I was an extremely busy girl. I have no idea how I managed to do everything. I worked about 15-20 hours a week at Sonic, ran track, did homework and still found time to hang out with my friends. Speaking of my friends, I had an awesome group of friends. Kallie, Megan and Tina were three of my best friends and we all ran cross country and track together. Tina’s house was basically my second home, and I remember spending the night so many times at her house on the weekends. Megan and I actually had specific blankets at Tina’s house that we always used.
I have undoubtedly changed and grown so much over the past six years, and no, I can’t believe it has been that long either. I was perhaps a bit melodramatic in some of my journal entries, but hey, that’s part of being a teenager. Overall, I have a lot of really great memories from high school. A few choice excerpts:
- January 29, 2005 – Today was pretty darn super. Kallie called me around 12 and invited me to a Magic Bullet party. The infomercials kind of lied. I mean it works well, but not as well as I had hoped and been led to believe. That’s consumer marketing for you I guess.
- February 7, 2005 – I am amazed, shocked, awestruck at how quickly time passes by. I remember everything in these entries so vividly. I remember the feelings. I even remember writing these entries for goodness sakes. No matter how monotonous or routine my days may be, they are numbered. Each day is the end of a memory. This is the beginning of the end. I just need to be more conscious, more appreciative of everything.
- February 14, 2005 – Happy Valentine’s Day! Libby, my Valentine, gave me a lamp because I light up her world. Hahah. Oh man. I love that girl.
- February 15, 2005 – I hate when people wear jean jackets with jeans. It’s just not cute. You have wear them with khakis, cords, just something that’s not jeans. Monochromatic is BAD.
- February 16, 2005 – Tonight I’m going ballroom dancing, because John wants to for prom. Last week I told him that I had to work, and he found out that I really wasn’t. So I felt bad and said I would go this week. Who knows, it might even be fun. Katie and Jayce are going, so if nothing else, at least I’ll have Katie. …okay so ballroom dancing wasn’t horrible. Except John kept trying to do different stuff from the instructor, when I definitely had no idea what we were suppose to be doing in the first place.
- March 14, 2005 – Tomorrow I am just going to try and do better. I want to end the day feeling good about myself, feeling good about my actions. All you really can do is try better. You can’t continually beat yourself up for things that have already happened or are out of your control. You can only learn from what you’ve realized is wrong for you. Life is a constant myriad of messing up, then learning from your mistakes.
- March 15, 2005 –
- April 4, 2005 – This week is going to be very stressful. Tomorrow I have a track meet. Friday I have a track meet. I work on Monday and Thursday, and I’m taking the ACT on Saturday. School will actually be the relaxing part of my week.
For the record, I made absolutely no edits to these excerpts. Punctuation, grammar and all. And sorry but you’re going to have to wait until I publish my memoirs to read any more entries in full. My teacher let us stop keeping the journals late in April because we had so many big projects and final tests that were due. Still for about four months of my life, this journal served as a record of my thoughts and feelings in my final semester of high school. Lots of complaining about track practice, homework and boys went on in the journal – I was a teenage girl after all – but reading over this journal has been a nice reminder that things are never a big deal in the long-run. If 23 year-old Paula could tell 17 year-old Paula one thing, it would be to relax. Which raises an even bigger question: what will 29 year-old Paula someday tell me about my life today?