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getting in touch with my inner colorado girl

It’s in the ABC of growing up

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Being 22 is simultaneously awesome and scary.  There are some advantages, like moving every six months, and disadvantages, like moving every six months, but overall it constitutes a general period of being unsettled.  While it’s kind of fun picking out new apartments on Craigs List every couple of months, I miss the good old days of bumming it off of the parents at home when everything in my life was certain and absolute.  I am in the midst of finals week at graduate school, and I really should be working on a paper right now, but I can’t help but stop and wonder am I doing the right thing?  Was graduate school the right choice?

Obviously at this point I’m definitely going to stay the course since I have already paid DU a good deal of money.  The kicker is that I know I would be happy with a variety of careers.  While I am enjoying Colorado, a big part of me would like to just live in Kansas City forever, be a cool high school Spanish teacher, and coach cross country and track.  And the thing that kills me about this fantasy is that I know I would love doing that.  But something that I try to do (emphasis on try) in all of my endeavors is live with no regrets.  If I was a cool Spanish teacher and cross country coach, I think in 40 years I would ask myself, “What if?”.  So in the end I think that I am doing the right thing with my life because at this point I’m not asking myself that question.  Currently, my future is just a huge, blank canvas.  This is exactly what I want, but it’s also extremely frightening.

I’m a planner by nature, and for one of the first times in my life I have no clear plan.  After high school there was college.  After college there was graduate school.  In two years I have no idea where I will be.  Actually, in three months I have no idea where I will be.  I know some people would give anything to be in my position but this uncertainty is killing me.  I guess this is what it’s like from here on out.  I’m just going to take it one day at a time for now, even if my biggest decision on some days is deciding where to run.  Here we go!

“Be wise enough not to be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks.”


Author: paulamahla

Typical Colorado girl that can't make up her mind. Trail running, hiking, climbing, camping, CrossFit, ultimate frisbee, and skiing? E, all of the above.

One thought on “It’s in the ABC of growing up

  1. I’m 27 in 10 days and not much has changed since I was 22. I did find a man and for the first time I’ve been in an apartment for over a year – the first time since I was 18 – but I’m about to move. I feel you on the nomadic apartment changing and the blank canvass future. I’m glad I did law/grad school but my word…it’s sort of just postponing the inevitable.

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